If I Meet One More Woman…
…who says or does any of the following in the 2010, I’m leaving the country:
1. “I can be the nicest girl you’ve ever met, but if you cross me…”
I hear variants of this in the tri-state area of the east coast and it generally tends to be part of some kind of introductory sentence or self description. Not entirely sure why anyone would assume that such an unnecessarily threatening sentence would intrigue someone they just met, but can you imagine how unsettling it would be if a man said something similar? “I’m a fairly affable guy, but if you do anything I don’t like, I will fucking hurt you or someone close.”
2. “Not looking for drama or anyone who plays head games.”
A. The people who actually say this are the most dramatic people you’ve ever met.
B. This warning will not deter anyone interested in playing with your head.
3. “I just love having fun.”
Oh, word? Deal breaker. Fun is for assholes. This fits well with similarly profound statements like “I eat food” and “I have to sleep every night”.
4. “All of my friends are guys…”
If you’re reading this, you’ve no doubt met at least ten women in your life who say this or maybe you’re one of them. For one, it doesn’t particularly pique my interest when you tell me you have difficulty interacting with members of your own gender. And while I don’t think it necessarily has promiscuous implications, it definitely solidifies that you have some kind of mild social dysfunction. Ironically, most women I meet who say this have very few female friends because they claim other girls are “too catty” and not interested in being amicable. Unfortunately, the aforementioned “catty” girls they have trouble befriending also feel the exact same way. So…why aren’t you friends?
5. “Megan Fox is amazing.”
Sweet. Let’s get another generation of girls with poor female role models going. The last 20 years haven’t been bad enough. We need an abysmally shallow, faux bisexual with a history of eating disorders, cutting and general anger issues teaching our young women about the power of vagina. And all of you twenty something ladies can help lead them towards the light by glorifying this fine, upstanding woman. God Speed. (Also, shitty movies.)
But fear not, I have another 5 on the way for men.
Dena said,
January 1, 2010 at 2:26 pm
I adore this. “All my friends are guys.” I dislike this immensely. I think this is a way of stating the fact that one is so socially maladjusted that one simply has no friends. I can say that fairly well without the charade.
I should be the woman to teach women about the powers of the flowers. I really should. They say godspeed in Battlestar Gallictica and so there is redemption for the phrase for you to consider.
Finally, I am not the nicest girl anyone has ever met, but I tend not to seek revenge when crossed. Peace.
Can’t wait for the manly select few. You genius, boy.
PS Girls who say “I know, right?” really get under my skin like shingles.
Jacqui said,
January 1, 2010 at 2:33 pm
I have problems understanding why grown women would be proud that they can’t get along with other females. I do not trust women who “hate other women.” When you’re a 16 year old girl, coming into yourself and attempting to establish your own unique identity, you’re bound to be threatened by other females struggling to do the very same thing. ESPECIALLY considering that, no matter how many freedoms we (women) have aquired, we still have A LOT to prove, more so than men. But I feel that once you pass that “awkward” stage, you should really start embracing the women in your life, not shunning them.
The whole “I love having fun” thing drives me insane. I’m on a few dating websites and I have gotten so sick of this generic line that my profile now requests that men who HATE having fun should be the only people to contact me. Apparently people who like to have fun and claim it as one of very few attributes, are vapid, unoriginal bores. FUN.
Fang said,
January 1, 2010 at 3:53 pm
Oh, you’ve got to include something like “other people may like stuff like that but I’m not like other people” or any variant. I hate when people (mostly girls) say that. Because everyone says it. It’s the least unique thing you can say and instantly makes me like you less.
Keiser said,
January 1, 2010 at 9:08 pm
it doesnt help that ive dated all of these women
number 2 is always my fav
Keiser said,
January 1, 2010 at 9:10 pm
also if you leave the country youre an idiot. its universal,or at least wordly. wise up son
warez alive said,
February 6, 2010 at 7:36 pm
really loved the article added to my favourites
Elastica said,
February 9, 2010 at 4:19 pm
I wonder what you guys would like a woman to say?
“I can do magic!!”
“I will cater to all your needs,just say the word”
“Ive gone back in time,to save you from all these other boring,angry,messed up ladies”
“I dont wanna talk about my problems,i know better ways to spend an hour”
hehehe…:)
Alex Gordon said,
April 8, 2010 at 9:31 am
Я в этом абсолютно уверен….
I hear variants of this in the tri-state area of the east coast and it generally tends to be part of some kind of introductory sentence or […….