Bill O’Reilly Saves Christmas
Complete with a seasonally irrelevant dual fleur de lis and a subtle floral pattern background, this wonderfully inconsiderate bumper sticker is Bill O’Reilly’s new holiday money maker.
By a stroke of fate (or perhaps divine intervention), I caught a split second of his show the other day. While taking a break from his usual sociopathic diatribe to peddle his assortment of O’Reilly brand books, coffee mugs and white hoods, he unveiled this brand new bumper sticker. Bill has a problem with stores using the culturally sensitive “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”. A righteous complaint, considering all Americans are equipped at birth with a biological sensor that determines the religious orientation of all human beings within its proximity.
Supplementing this masterpiece of adhesive, his website calls on Americans to “Show Your Support For Christmas!”. Clearly, O’Reilly has selflessly chosen to carry the torch for this seasonal underdog through the cavernous depths of underrepresented Christian America. And what better way to practice the tolerance and equality of traditional Christian values than to discredit the cultural alignment of your fellow man with a fashionable automotive statement? Besides, in today’s tough economy, the only way to get out of the red is with the green and I’m pretty sure those colors don’t come without a side of Jesus.