And I was pleased to find this compilation of the intros from the different seasons, if only because it reminds me that my life would be vastly improved if I achieved an erection every time I bit into a bell pepper. (1:58)
Does anyone know why Chairman Kaga (above) is the only one on the show not dubbed?
Or why they felt the need to write a completely fictional premise for the show?
Or why I actually believed that an eccentric millionaire in Japan decided to build a “kitchen stadium” in his “castle” so that the world’s best chefs could battle to the death?
Complete with a seasonally irrelevant dual fleur de lis and a subtle floral pattern background, this wonderfully inconsiderate bumper sticker is Bill O’Reilly’s new holiday money maker.
By a stroke of fate (or perhaps divine intervention), I caught a split second of his show the other day. While taking a break from his usual sociopathic diatribe to peddle his assortment of O’Reilly brand books, coffee mugs and white hoods, he unveiled this brand new bumper sticker. Bill has a problem with stores using the culturally sensitive “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”. A righteous complaint, considering all Americans are equipped at birth with a biological sensor that determines the religious orientation of all human beings within its proximity.
Supplementing this masterpiece of adhesive, his website calls on Americans to “Show Your Support For Christmas!”. Clearly, O’Reilly has selflessly chosen to carry the torch for this seasonal underdog through the cavernous depths of underrepresented Christian America. And what better way to practice the tolerance and equality of traditional Christian values than to discredit the cultural alignment of your fellow man with a fashionable automotive statement? Besides, in today’s tough economy, the only way to get out of the red is with the green and I’m pretty sure those colors don’t come without a side of Jesus.
November 28, 2008 at 12:16 am
· Filed under Television, Video
…for various reasons. Five in particular…
1. “Don’t worry bro, just because she’s into things like politics doesn’t mean you can’t bang her! Just throw some bullshit around to get her back to your apartment. Remember, get your rocks off by any means possible!”
2. What’s the backup plan for when she realizes he doesn’t even have a blog?
3. Since when do people blog together?
4. I’m sick of advertising campaigns cobbled together by technologically challenged 40+ year olds who seem to think that tacking on the words “blog”, “text message” or throwing a lower case “i” before a product name will engage the thirty and younger demographic. Doesn’t even matter if it pertains to the product itself; it’s the year two thousand, man!
5. This also applies to “green” ads that have beaten the Apple commercial template to death. Scene: Speaker standing center stage against a hyper-minimalist white backdrop, discussing how their multi-billion dollar corporation is saving the planet because they gave some bread to wind energy while a melodramatic, cookie-cutter indie rock tune is swelling with synths. Finish with logo against white backdrop.
Dumping shit in the ocean? No sweat.
Throw a Postal Service substitute on the decks and clear the record! We’re going green!
